Category: Writers Block
The End
Night comes like an impending doom.
Must I wander restlessly?
Can't I sleep peacefully like so much of the world?
The terrors and sadness wash over my soul like a disasterous tidal wave;
bringing with it all the things I've ignored today.
Every negative comment, every scary thought, every worry, every fear.
It all begins to wrap around me, trapping me in its painful vise.
Why are you taking my mom God?
Why does being a mom have to be so hard?
Why can't I have the peace-of-mind and freedom that everyone else seems to have?
Why doesn't anyone care?
When will I know happiness?
Suddenly all the things troubling me feel like I'm suffocating.
I walk outside, too quiet, so I come back in.
Everyone is asleep, so I can't talk to anyone.
I can't take this suffocation.
I can't take all this pain.
I can't do this anymore.
I'll never be what I'm expected to be, never do what I should be doing.
I will always be traapped, always stuck.
There is no hope, no end to this turmoil in my soul.
I just want to sleep,
sleep forever.
Only to wake to the good things in life.
I just want all this to end.
But it never will,
Never,
Ever...
I want to die.
I just want to die.
This life is too much.
I should have never been born.
My life was destined a failure from the beginning.
I can't do this...
A small voice asks,
"But what about me? How can you create a life, then leave it behind? What am I without a mother? Who am I without you? I need you, you are something to me. You may not be anything to anyone else, but to me, you are my hero. You can do no wrong, because I love you. I want you, not anyone else, as my mother. Nobody can love me like you do."
This is what my child would say to me if he could speak, I'm sure.
So, even though sometimes I can take it anymore, qe end is not in sight for me.
I like it, that's all.
wow well I think we're even on the crying bit. Hugs I sent you an e-mail.
I know where you are, I walked that path too and it's a scary one. Hold on to your family. Even though it feels like you have to fight every day to just open your eyes and breathe due to how much it hurts to think of the what's happening or when it will come. I know they must tell you you just have to be strong but you know what some times you can't paint on that smile and just have to cry. Hugs use your writing to get it out and talk don't keep it in. I think that makes you more crazy when you don't have an outlet to just let it out.